When i'm in the city i am running from one thing to the next, granted they are usually good things i'm running to and from, but its exhausting none the less and i find myself with little energy and time to simply be. As soon as i am out of the city for a few days, i feel my pace slow, and along with it the thoughts ceaselessly racing around my head slow, and i am left with a steady stream of thoughts, ideas, and feelings that i actually have time to process and digest. My body quickly forgets the madness of the city and synchs up with the natural rhythms of the earth. I admire the moon's luminosity every nite before bed. I sleep deeply and dream in vivid colors. Waking with the warm and soft light of morning sun, my day starts not in a panic, but with gentle motions, waking up in due time as the day ripens. Eating breakfast in the garden, sipping tea and getting lost in the beauty of the nature surrounding me, i reflect on the events of the past year.
Even before setting out on an epic year long journey, there was a loud craving from within for the comforts of family, home and health. My soul struggling to keep up as i carried my bags from place to place, as my physical self was propelled through the sky in giant gravity defying machines. In places for mere moments, little time to absorb their depth and complex beauty. Traveling through time and space, open eye visions of beauty and destruction. Whirlwinds of people and influences, sense alive and overloaded with new smells and tastes. My heart stretching in painfully pleasurable new directions, expanding with labored breath. And all the while i perceived myself drifting farther and farther away from my vision of home, family and health.
Breathing in the fresh mountain air, digesting a fulfilling communal meal cooked with love and just the right amount of spice, i realize more than ever that these things i've craved so deeply were with me all along. I think the the varies families i've shared meals with over the last year, the relationships that have blossomed through the challenges we faced together. I think of countless conversations over dinner tables, each revealing intimate wisdom. I think of the recipes, the folk remedies and advice that I've shared and received with so many friends from around the world as we helped each other take care of our own precious bodies, through sickness and health. And home, the age old expression decrees, truly is where the heart is.
I let go of my physical attachment to home even as i begin to manifest the newest chapter in my life. I'm learning the ever elusive art of patience as I start the process of leaving San Francisco, my "home" for the last 5 years. It's been so good to me, and i have to remember that when i close my eyes the city still stands. I can come back to it at any time, the thrill of city life is always available to me. I'm working on rebuilding connections with my birth family. Exploring an adult relationship with my mother, and happy at the thought of being closer to her and being able to spend more time with her. Going to visit my father very soon, after a long time of not seeing him. Hoping to reconnect with him and get things flowing more smoothly in our communication and interaction. And preparing the ground to plant a garden in the spring, a profound and long standing metaphor within my consciousness of beginning a new phase of my life.
blessings of family, home, health and love to everyone on this gorgeous day.
