Mossy Redwood Tree @ Armstrong Redwoods (not my pic)
Is that me?
Arachne / Spiderwoman
So all forms repeat, return,
Rebirth, dissolve, reflect forever
Down the passages of space and time,
Each birth the same, yet ever new
Universes blooming into unimagined worlds
That yet shall be
- Shekhinah Mountainwalker (from Daughters of the Moon Tarot)
And there I was once again, walking through a timeless forest, having taken the drop for the first time in over a year. I'd been there before, we used to skip school and come trip out in these same woods, this same path. Yet it was different, ten years later and i was seeing it with changed eyes. I walked for miles through the forest, admired the brilliance of the mossy green covering the gigantic trees, feeling intensely small and yet somehow not lost, merely one part of an incredible symbiotic story. I came to a clearing and saw a huge Oak tree on the top of a little hill just calling to me to come and sit under it. It seemed as though I was hiking all that way only to arrive in this exact spot. I sat for awhile catching my breath before I began to feel too much energy flowing through me to stay seated. I stood up and began walking in circles around this wise tree. My thoughts floated to a lost love and as I continued in circles around the tree, my eyes simultaneously taking in the misty beauty around me and looking deep inside my head, i witnessed the slow motion unraveling of our relationship. I saw my true reflection in his eyes and it shook me to the core. I wasn't ready to see those things, both the beautiful and the terrifying, but I guess sometimes they are one and the same. With shining eyes I clearly saw the mistakes I made, and his mistakes as well. I prepared myself for the coming guilt and regret, but those old bastards didn't arrive. I felt no need to go back, no need to do things differently, to apologize. I simply felt resolution. I cried and cried and cried because it felt soooo good to let it go. It had been many months since I was able to see so clearly and be so in touch with my emotions. I was so present there, in tune with every sensation within my body, all the little noises of the forest coming to life; the creatures and faeries flittering around. Walking back alone through the darkening forest I confronted endless issues of fear and the question arose, can you put this fear aside in order to let love in? Can you honestly make room in your heart for love?
Back at home I sat in front of my altar. I thought about this amazing home in the woods that I have manifested for myself. I thought about the garden just outside my door and the potential it holds for abundance. I must have manifested this space for a reason, but at that moment it was so unclear. Why am I here? What will I plant in this garden of mine?
The beginning of a new phase in your life is such an exciting and scary time. So much raw potential, how to sculpt and focus that energy into a life you are proud to live? Feeling slightly lost and overwhelmed at the possibilities I consulted the Tarot. I drew the Spiderwoman card, the life weaver (Wheel of Fortune). Appearing at a crucial time for me, when Saturn has returned to its place at my birth, a time when I am re-evaluating just about everything I am familiar with, Spiderwoman reminds me that I can indeed take charge of my own destiny, that I can reclaim my life, make it my own again. I am not some helpless creature at risk of being swallowed by the fierce world all around, but an active agent in my own life, a weaver of my own destiny. Wow! What a wonderful thing to be reminded of. I'm grateful for this clarity, this insight, these revelations.
And yet the question remains, what am i weaving?
(to be cont.)
